Humans should not have to suffer when they are sick nor should they fear debt just to pay a bill.
Mustard, 2026
1
TELL US ABOUT YOU.
Mustard is a semi-sentient condiment.
They were first introduced to the World Wide Web through the social media platform TikTok. For many years, TikTok was their home before they transitioned into blogging and now newsletters.
Since 2020 Mustard has had the pleasure of interviewing independent musicians from all across the globe. If they did the math right, they have interviewed over 600 artists in that time.
Mustard has thankfully slowed down a lot since then and is not pushing out interviews at a rapid speed.
2
HOW DOES THE COVER PHOTO CAPTURE WHO YOU ARE?
Mustard wanted to create a custom photo for this occasion. They are honored to have been asked.
Mustard has seen a lot of humans who introduce themselves in front of a red curtain. They believe these humans are known as actors and stand up comedians.
Mustard thought they would dress up for the occasion and find the nearest stage where they can practice for this interview.
3
In one sentence, what are you trying to change?
Mustard is trying to change what one can do in an online space.
4
What did you notice was broken that made you start writing?
Mustard has always been an observant condiment.
They do not understand or comprehend all things humans do but through their interviews they have been able to learn more. But they have always been fascinated by humans.
They first began writing for pleasure while in college. Their writing ranged from satire, poetry, and plays. After a while they took a break.
Their desire to learn more about humans inspired them to start writing again.
5
If you could manifest a brighter tomorrow, what would change by 2030?
Mustard would manifest a society that actively works to everyone’s benefit.
They have observed that many (but not all) humans are selfish. These humans want more for themselves and less for others.
Humans should not have to suffer when they are sick nor should they fear debt just to pay a bill.
Humans deserve a liveable wage and more time to explore what makes them, them. No human wakes up every day and seeks a 40-hour work week voluntarily.
They have heard that it is important for humans to touch grass. Mustard thinks they should be able to do so.
mustard’s brighter tomorrow involves everyone working together in unity to better enrich their situations.
Mustard, 2026
6
How would your closest friends describe you?
Mustard is a reserved condiment. They do not like to speak unless they feel like they have something to contribute.
Once they feel comfortable with you they will become what some humans describe as a “silly goose.” But it takes a bit for them to get to that point.
7
What’s a challenge that changed how you see the world?
Mustard tries their best to see things from a human perspective as much as they can.
Many humans live paycheck to paycheck. These bills add up and create a lot of stress and anxiety.
By the time humans get an opportunity to do something for themselves, they may have to limit it as there are always other factors looming.
Seeing how hard humans struggle daily changed how Mustard sees the world and is what inspired them to learn more about what humans do.
8
What are you most proud of right now?
Mustard is most proud of their community.
They are genuinely grateful every day that so many are willing to speak with them. It is not every day that a human receives an email or message from a condiment.
Their community has been so supportive and understanding. Any wild idea Mustard comes up with, they participate in and are excited about.
When Mustard says they are grateful or appreciative, it is not a catchphrase. It is the truth.
9
On hard days, what kind of signal from your readers keeps you going?
When some humans think of Mustard.
Some have been willing to give Mustard another try because of them.
Mustard will sometimes receive messages from their community about a mustard-related item they saw in the wild.
Mustard is no longer on TikTok but it used to blow their bottle that the actor who played Principal Laritate in Disney’s Wizard of Waverly Place would tag them in random mustard videos they came across on their feed.
10
WHERE WOULD YOU Point YOUR New Readers and why?
Mustard is really proud of their first Poetry Open-Mic Night. It features poems from ten incredible writers on Substack.
While Mustard themselves did not provide a poem, they are proud of how they formatted the night. It truly felt like a poetry event even though it was in a newsletter format.
